a confession that i've been longing to write it down and that i don't have the courage to speak up for myself. I was called to write this post after i read an article from a local newspaper.
Ever since i was a small kid, back in primary school i have always been teased of being so petite and skinny. Not only the students, the teachers did so. I was really sad and depressed but no one understood me. Not a single tiny bits.
When it was time to line up, i'll be the first or the second person who will be lining up at the front row. Well, i don't mind at all actually.
I can still remember clearly this conversation with one of the teachers among my friends in a class after UPSR has ended.
"Aryna lagila pakai baju nih(the baju kurung i was wearing) tah2 sejak standard 1 lagi kot" , it was a teacher saying this ok!
and they just laugh.
Omg.
My heart crashes into million, zillion, gazillion pieces.
And what did i do?? i just kept quite. Gosh.
Sometimes, i blame God for created me of being skinny and small. But soon, when i learnt more about Islam in my sekolah agama, i realised that we aren't supposed to say that to God. I was grateful that God created me with all, complete physical features.
Now, dealing with the relatives. Omg.
Most of my relatives, cousins, aunts and uncles are big sizes or they are just normal.
I have always hated when we are having family gathering or anything similar to that. Its just simply because they always tease me of being soo skinny and that i don't eat much.
I once locked myself in the bathroom just to cry and of course i don't want them to see me crying. Duhh!
To be honest, i eat a lot! Really. I can tell you, if you're staying at my house, you'll be seeing me eating every 1 or 2 hours or even every 30 minutes.
Plus, my dad always go for outstation and bring back lots and lotsa chocolates. So, u can see me opening the fridge like many many times.
Sometimes, during weekend, i eat lamb chop, spaghetti or ape2 la to satisfy myself.
Soon, when i learnt about Science, i made my early conclusion that i might have a huge tapeworm in my intestines and they're like opening they're mouth getting ready to eat what i have just eaten. Haha. Silly.
Well, that was primary. Ever since the conversation, i hated my primary school life that i don't wanna return back there or even think about it.
Last time, i don't like to shop for clothes or jeans because its very hard to find my size. The clothes, when it is big, it'll be damn big and when it is small, it'll be damn small. As for jeans, it cannot fit nicely on my waist. I have to sew at the corner of the zip to make it tight.
But now, u give me the money, i'll shop till i drop. Haha
Soon, when i've grown up a lil bit back in Form 1, i told myself i have to stand up for myself. I have to speak up. So, step by step i did it.
I joined the senamrobik team and even performed for teachers day etc, go for homestay programme in Japan, camping to boost my confidence level.
From there, i learnt to speak up.
Next, i joined syarahan to represent my school. If im not mistaken, that was my first time to represent my school. I was nervous and i forgotten my lines. First time weyhh.
But that didn't stop me from trying. I've tried syair, sajak and debate and boyy..i loved it!
Now, whenever they tease me or make fun of something, i will always try to speak up and say whats right and whats wrong.
Ok ok. Back to the main subject here.
Soon, when i learnt about Biology, i realised that being skinny is genetically inherited. Its in the genes. But came to think about it, my younger sisters are not skinny. They are even bigger and heavier than me. Ahh..whatever.
I still don't get it why people which i think already have their ideal body figure and just the right weight, they still want to go for liposuction or weight loss center programme.
Isn't it much healthier to be in the gym and getting those hot abs and muscles rather than undergo liposuction. Or besides that, eat accordingly. Haihh.
Whatever it is, how petite and skinny am i, i am grateful that i am born with complete physical features.
So, people out there, stop saying to people or even me whether they are fat or skinny or keding or lidi or gajah or whatever it is, they are humans too. You don't know how it hurt them so badly. I know. I can understand how they feel cause i've been through it before.
I am grateful that i have the courage to defend myself, stand up for myself, but what about those who have low self-esteem?? Think about it people!
That is why, i don't say to them whether they're fat or skinny or whatever there is to be called. You'll make them feel even more worse and crushes the left over of their self-esteem and confidence level.
I only did when you did that to me.Muahaha.
Thank you for spending your time to read this.
